I’ll confess: I first learned of Krista Allen from a softcore adult film role she did early in her career.
Just as she isn’t perfect neither am I, and that’s kind of why I like her. In the past week or so, her podcast has become a favorite of mine, one in which she reviews – or more appropriately, discusses and analyzes – a different self-help book every week, as reading self-help books is kind of her hobby. As it turns out, Krista Allen and I have three very big things in common: 1) we both dabbled in adult entertainment, 2) we both moved around a lot as children, and 3) we both have struggled with low self-esteem. This is why Krista Allen reads so many self-help books, and in listening to her discuss them on her podcast, she’s reminded me of a key lesson I learned in my first relationship that I’d like to write about today: that I believe people are enriched by dealing with people who are different from them.
My first serious girlfriend and I were more different than we were alike. She honestly had more in common with Krista Allen than she did with me. She came from poverty; my father was an engineer and my mother was a doctor. She was a pretty and popular girl in high school; I was the king of the geeks. Most importantly, while we both shared a love of film, my ex wasn’t a nerd about it. She didn’t know or care what a director was before she met me, and would get annoyed by the trivial “fun facts,” as she called them, that I would often share with her. While I am so willing to share every detail about myself that I had to force myself to be anonymous in this blog, my ex didn’t even like having our curtains open because others could then peer in and see how we lived. Yet despite our differences, I probably learned more about life, both directly from and just by being with her than I ever did in my decades of school and growing up in seven different places before I finally moved out and was on my own. While I don’t miss her personally, I miss the astounding number of things I learned from being with her, and that’s kind of what I get from Krista Allen’s podcast too.
Allen has shared that she’s from Texas, the red state I call “California’s evil twin.” It’s big, it’s rich, it has a huge undocumented population but it’s not friendly to them like California is, which I attribute to people like Krista Allen and her family: poor Caucasians, the Trump supporter stereotype. Like me, Krista Allen was essentially raised by a single parent, but in that “country” way that I have typically find repellent. She’s not super educated, and growing up these attractive redneck-type women never gave me the time of day. Yet when I listen to her podcast I realize she’s sweet! And funny! And easygoing! Open-minded! And honest, like I said. Like my ex, she strikes me as generally a pleasant person to be around, and although that relationship went south for me, I believe that had more to do with our youth and inexperience than any personal defect on my ex’s part. Unlike my ex, Allen is inquisitive and interested in learning, but again, I’d never know any of that from looking at her or if I judged her by the roles she’s played. Krista Allen strikes me as a person who’s made the best of what life has given her, both in terms of her appearance and her background, keeping her from being a cynic. She stumbled into entertainment after a disastrous ending to her first marriage, and “Forrest Gumped” her way into a career as a working actress, one that got her on “Friends” and “Frasier,” and in movies like Liar Liar (Tom Shadyac, 1997) and Anger Management (Peter Segal, 2003). Were they great, major roles? Not usually. Were they bimbo roles? At first, yes. But does she still work to this day, and without having to go back to doing nudity? Absolutely yes, and as most actresses in Hollywood will tell you, “bimbo” or otherwise, that is not easy to do. Regardless of her work not being my cup of tea, I have found that meeting and knowing people like her allows me to be more open-minded myself, and look at the world from new and unfamiliar perspectives. That has made me better at making friends, coming up with new ideas, and surviving in a world so different from mine.
I also like Krista Allen because I feel that she’s a survivor and not a quitter. Again, her career is indirectly the result of a failed marriage, and I’ve never heard her hold her success up as proof that she’s exceptional or better than anybody else. Like me she’s very candid about her failures, and that authenticity is something I value in everybody. In fact, I personally believe that an inability to be authentic is the reason so many human relationships fail and conflicts develop. Moreover, despite her failed relationships, Krista Allen continues to get into them – she doesn’t become cynical and give up on the idea of love and companionship despite thus far failing to really achieve either. As I’ve said in the past, like me she rolls with it and keeps going, and though this hasn’t brought her ultimate success in relationships as yet, I believe it’s why she’s continues to succeed professionally, thus buying herself time and money to ultimately achieve her goals. I admire all of these qualities, and I believe that they are a big part of what draws people to her. Many of her podcasts are co-hosted by her friends, and many women have taught me that women are generally a lot meaner to other women than they are to men, a sad reality that Allen herself has shared. I think the fact that she has so many friends of both genders is why she succeeds, and speaks highly of her character.
Bottom line, if you’d told me a week ago that I’d dedicate a whole blog posting to my fandom of Krista Allen, I’d’ve told you that you were crazy. I’m a film geek with a minor in cinema studies! I consider myself an intellectual, and I’ve only had one girlfriend (who I didn’t usually get along with) that looked anywhere near as pretty as her! What could I possibly get from engaging with a person like that?
They say you should never judge a book by its cover, and Krista Allen’s podcast proved that to me. And besides, it saves me a lot of money on books…